Baby #2 Ultrasound + My Depression Battle During Pregnancy
Yesterday, we had a visit with the doctor to see our little peanut for the second time and MY GOODNESS has Mini Cooper #2 gotten bigger! At 11 weeks and 1 day, we got to see him or her move its little arms and legs and bounce around-it was the cutest sight. Everything looked great and baby measured fine. The little heart was pounding away!
Our next appointment on December 10th will reveal the sex of our baby. I am so excited!!! We are hoping for another boy, but honestly as long as baby is healthy, we could care less! I will share with you guys the gender as soon as we find out.
With all that being said, I have decided to start taking Zoloft again due to ongoing depression. I have suffered from depression for years, but after I had Greyson, it became PPD. You can read about my journies here and here.
Before trying to conceive, I got off of my medication because I did not want anything to affect our baby to be. My doctor gave me the thumbs up as my first trimester ends since all of the important internal organs have formed for the most part. However, lots of pregnant ladies are on Zoloft since its the most studied anti-depressant during pregnancy with little side effects. It was not an easy choice to make to get back on, but there comes a time when you have got to choose whether or not the benefits outweigh the risks.
I was on zero medication while pregnant with Grey and I felt fine, but I guess it is true what they say-depression tends to worsen with age and it is something that I just couldn’t fight on my own. After a traumatic childhood and very difficult experiences I have had to deal with, I needed some help.
I wake up daily so blessed. I practically get to live my dream life. I have a healthy baby boy with another baby on the way. I have the most understanding and affectionate husband that I could ask for. I make good money and get to work from home. I have nice things. I am in good health. But at the end of the day, it all does not seem to matter to me because I cannot seem to bring myself to complete happiness. Some days, I get to anxious and stressed out that I will cry myself to tears. It sucks. I do not want to feel this way. My husband, son, and new baby deserve much more than that. And the pregnancy hormones have not helped, but amplifies the depression. Also, to prevent PPD from happening again, I felt this was a necessary step to take.
People always have this stigma that people who suffer from depression can just “snap out of it” or “want attention.” I will go ahead and tell you that is the biggest piece of shit I have ever heard. It is like fighting an uphill battle that you cannot win. It literally steals the light from your eyes. Don’t get me wrong-I have my good days that are really, really good. But, boy, are the bad ones usually really bad. But I am fighter. I am a trooper. This is not my first rodeo and I will conquer it again!
I guess the point is that I want you to know that it happens and that its ok if it happens to you. But most importantly, please do not ever be afraid to talk to someone about it. The most important thing you can do is to tell someone.
I will keep you all updated on how it goes and how it affects me. Thanks for your support.
Your trainer and friend,