Diary of a Fit mommy

Why I Detoxed from Social Media

It’s been roughly two weeks since I last posted to my Instagram page. This is the longest break I ever had in… well since I can remember. During this time, I stepped back and reflected a lot on my life and my past mistakes.

I have had a very tough last 9 months or so. Tough is actually an understatement. It seemed that this season that my life was currently in would never get better… or come to an end. Think about it.. separation, divorce papers, losing “friends”, boyfriend issues, taking on a business alone, and learning to be a single mom. I felt the weight of my world crashing in on me and I started to break.

Two weeks ago a catastrophic event happened that I never expected. I won’t go into much detail, but a person whom I thought would always be there for me-someone whom was there for me for YEARS- truly turned his back on me with a traumatic action that unfortunately came with consequences. Then.. my eyes were opened and I realized what I had to do.

Detoxing from social media has allowed me to focus on my current mindset, life, physical health, motherhood, work, goals, and everything in between. I did not miss posting one bit because over the years I got so burnt out from HAVING to post and often at that. Don’t get me wrong-I love what I do. But social media can be a negative tool if you let it be. I needed to step back and look at my life from a new perspective.

During my two week hiatus, I spent my time crying, angry at God, yelling, anxious, depressed, and praying. I also spent these two weeks with my children whom I was so blessed to get extra time with due to the bad situation that occured. I learned a lot about myself, but I also learned something else… the past deserves to be where it belongs. However, sometimes people will remind you over and over again of how terrible you were. It can be very gut wrenching especially when you are fighting so hard to turn over a new leaf.

Ever since I was a child, I suffered from the trauma that I wasn’t good enough. My mother-the woman who should have been my best friend, mentally and physically abused me. This led to feelings of inadaquacy and low self steem that I have carried into my adulthood and that I now go to therapy for (therapy rocks by the way.) This has affected the way that I see myself today and how hard I am on myself when it comes to letting others down and trust me-I have been the queen of letting people down. I realized I still had this hurt little unhealed girl inside of me that was screaming to be freed. I am so happy to say I have started to heal young Sia so that 30 year old Sia can thrive and be happy.

For months, I had been carrying around this awful guilt. Guilt that I hurt someone, guilt that I made mistakes, guilt that I was not a good person, wife, mother, or even friend, and that I did things that I cannot take back. I spent months trying to make up for my wrongs to no avail or acceptance and this was like being stuck inside of a mental jail cell. I was a prisoner to my past mistakes. Then I suddenly realized I was doing it all wrong… instead of seeking forgiveness from the person that I had wronged, I should have asked my own self for forgiveness instead. And that is exactly what I have been working on. Forgiving myself and giving myself the grace I needed all along.

I learned something important. Sometimes, God will send you a catastrophic event in your life to wake you up. open your eyes, and to turn you away from things or people that are not good for you. Why? Because sometimes we fail to see the subtle hints He gives us and choose to keep pursuing what isn’t right for us. I took what happened a couple weeks ago as a huge slap in the face from God. I realized he was redirecting me and saying “No Sia. This is not the way. I have something better planned for you. Just wait on Me.”

If someone chooses to not forgive you, that is on them, honey. That has nothing to do with you. If they want to be a prisoner to bitterness and strife, let them go. Focus on you and what YOU can change. Set your own self free and forgive you. You cannot change someone or make them forgive. I had to learn this the hard way. By choosing to let my mistakes go, I felt the weight lifted off of my chest. I feel brand new. I feel like I can finally move on and live my best life.

We can turn to another person for support or love, but they can never truly fill our cups. Only we have the power to do so. The past can haunt you daily. You can play the game of “I shoulda, coulda, woulda” all day long and all it would do is beat you up mentally. You gotta stop that. The past is the past for a reason and you must move forward. Some people will stay. Some people will go. Some people may even come back. One thing is for certain-you are not going anywhere so get to know and appreciate yourself.

Take a break from social media from time to time. Give yourself grace and learn to let go of things or people that do not serve you. Be kind to yourself, girl. Remember this: nothing in life lasts forever. Not your good days or your bad days.

Yesterday is heavy. Put it down.

Your trainer and friend,