Why the Narcissist Wants to Remain Friends
Hey guys, whats up! I asked you all in an Instagram Q&A what topics you would like to see more of and narcissism ranked high up there so here we go. One question I get asked often and something that baffled me was “Why does my narcissist want to stay friends with me?” Before I begin, head on over to my new YouTube channel on narcissists to subscribe and stay tuned for new videos. You can check out the channel here.
So you and your narcissist just broke up. Maybe you broke up 6 months ago and they are back in your lives (*cough* HOOVERING). All of a sudden, they want to be friends. This may seem like such a bizarre request. I mean, chances are, the narcissist has already kicked you out of their lives multiple times, given you the silent treatment, blocked your number and socials, and sent their flying monkeys after you.
So why? Why would a narcissist ever want to be someone’s friend?
You ready……. the answer is quite simple……
You know by know that the narcissist needs endless amounts of supply (attention) to thrive on their own. But the fact that they could have a friendship with you after the breakup-that hits the jackpot. You see, this isnt normal behavior. The narcissist is known for keeping a harem or garage of old exes on the backburner so that they may pull and rotate through them all in case the newest supply doesnt workout. In the mind of a narcissist, you are forever theirs-which is why they keep tabs on you even years down the road.
Something that had always baffled me was that my narcissist ex, while we were dating, would find ways to reach out to his previous girlfriend. He would make it seem oh so innocent. Then I realized that this is just what they do. They also enjoy being able to tell people that they are cool with their exes, implying that they were never the problem at all.
I reconnected with my narcissist 6 moths after our breakup which wasnt smart, but hey,I truly thought time and space could do wonders. 5 or 6 weeks after talking and messing around, I realized the mask was still the same and nothing really changed at all so I decided to take myself out of the equation.
Upon blocking their number, I got a call from a number asking if I could unblock and talk to them. I obliged and we spoke. They went on and on about their birthday dinner-whom they had their new supply there with them-and I told them great. I was short and they noticed. They asked me if they could still be my friend. I said absolutely not and this seemed puzzling to them. You see, being friends with a narcissist is never a good idea. We said our goodbyes, hung up the phone, and I blocked them back for good.
So what was that all about? My guess? The next supply wasnt 100% secured yet and they wanted something to fall back on. This is why narcissists keep people on a roladex to contact when their current relationship goes south. Narcissists cannot be alone and this is why upon breaking up with someone, they jump into relationships as soon as they possibly can. When narcissists are alone, they are insecure and afraid. They are left to deal with themselves which they absolutely despise. Many people often think that the narcissist loves themselves and it does appear that way. However, deep down inside they hate themselves the most.
If your narcissist ex wants to remain your friend soon after a breakup or even contacts you to establish a friendship years down the road, save yourself the grief and just dont do it. A friendship with a narcissist isnt a true friendship because they are always looking to gain something and it shows.
When a narcissist wants to be your friend, it doesnt mean that they have changed or matured. It does not mean that they value or love you. It does not mean that they will have something meaningful to offer you. It is a lie and will always be a lie. You were never friends, why start now? He or she doesn’t want a friend, he wants a Plan B, C, D …. Z. They also dont want to give you closure or to see you moving on without them which is another reason why they are prone to interjecting themselves by hoovering you often.
If I had not fully left my narcissist, I wouldnt be happily engaged to a healthy, sweet man today. Think about what you could be missing out on. Break that trauma bond of narcissism and have the power to heal and move on. I will post more about things that have helped me heal and break the trauma bond in the future. If you have any more topics on narcissists that you wanna see, feel free to email me!
I hope this all makes sense to you guys who are suffering from narcissistic abuse. Lock the door and throw away the key. Happiness is on the way!
Your trainer and friend,