WHY NARCISSISTS CHEAT ON YOU
Did your narcissist cheat on you? Mine did. As I learned more and more about narcissism after the final discard and educated myself, I learned that this was a quite common occurence for anyone who’s dealt with a narcissist. Now, dont get me wrong-not EVERY single narcissist cheats… but it is not a coincidence that most do.
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During my one year relationship dating a narcisist, I was cheated on at least one time, but I suspected many others. Long story short, I went through his Apple watch and found at least two separate text threads of him contacting two different escorts during a work trip. When confronted, he said he contacted them for a sensual massage… yet he gave them a fake name. How conspicuous.
Another time-he sent me a random number in front of a sentence he texted me, by accident. Out of curiosity, I Googled this number and it was a local escort in his hometown. Hmmm.
A third time was when he started courting the woman he left me for, before the final discard or breakup occured.
All in all, there were probably lots and lots of instances where he cheated on me, but if I can spot 3 offenses in one year, phew! That is bad. But that is how the dice rolls when you are involved with a narcissist and I am sure you can relate in some way. So why? Why do narcissists cheat on you?
The answer is quite simple: for narcissistic supply of course!
Poor impulse control, a big ego, exaggerated feelings of self-importance, delusions of grandeur, lack of remorse, empathy and shame are other key reasons why narcissists lie and cheat on their partners.
Most of all, they simply think they can get away with it.
You see, you will never ever everrrrr be enough for the narcissist. You can dot your I’s, cross your T’s, and be the best damn partner in the world, but eventually here’s what happens. The narcissist gets bored. Plain and simple. Therefore, they start looking for new supply to give them attention and to keep them feeling special and admired.
Most of you probably blamed yourself that your narcissist cheated on you. You’ve got to let go of that mindset! You WERE good enough-you just werent ever going to be enough. Nobody is ever enough for a narcissist because they are a bottonless pit that constantly needs to be fed. They are never content and for sure never happy because they always want something new, shiny, and stimulating.
So what are the signs that your narcissist is cheating on you? Here are just a few:
- Flirting with others on social media.
- Disappearing frequently and being vague about their whereabouts
- Not putting their phone down or letting you anywhere near it
- Accusing you of cheating.
- Sex habits or libido changes.
I remember when my narcissist would accuse ME of cheating. This is a very common tactic that they use. Gaslighters/narcissists are great at projecting. They will blame you and accuse you of something they are actually doing. They will yell at you that they know you are cheating because you are 30 minutes late coming home from work. They will even threaten to look through your phone.
Why is the gaslighter/narcissist projecting? Because it takes the focus of their own cheating. The more you scurry trying to figure out why the gaslighter/narcissist is accusing you of cheating, the more you aren’t looking at what is happening right under your nose. And that is exactly how the gaslighter/narcissist wants it.
I wish I would’ve dumped my narcissist as soon as I found those text messages in his Apple watch. But I was going through a tough time (divorce) and quite frankly was lonely and desperate for companionship. Now, far removed from that, I am grateful for what this experience has taught me because now I can share with you how to overcome this! I am so glad you guys enjoy my blogs on narcissism and I plan to keep them coming.
Hang in there-there is a light at the end of narcissistic abuse recovery.
Your trainer and friend,