5 Signs He is Wasting Your Time
“You time is precious. Let no man waste it!”
This past week got me thinking about about my last two relationships that I have had this year. I felt angry-I felt like I had wasted a over a year of my life with two men that didn’t seemingly matter. But then I realized-nothing is ever a waste truly because you live and you learn. BUT it IS a waste if you do not find yourself out of that situation and learn from it for the future.
For example, I hear stories of soooo many people who were stuck in unhappy marriages and they never left… ever… and they died unhappy. If that is not the saddest thing, I do not know what is.
I ended my last relationship this past week and I caught myself thinking wow, thank God it was only 4 months long. It was also long distance so I did not see him very often. But I still invested a lot of my time/effort traveling and especially finances (plane tickets, rental cars, dog boarding, food) into coming to see him every single month.
In the end, it didn’t workout. And that is fine. But I know a lot of you are probably stuck in a similar situation and I want to help you get out of that and into a better relationship with someone who will give the same effort.
Here are 5 red flags that your boyfriend is likely going to waste your time:
- He is not sure about the future. When he is not sure about where your relationship will go, he is likely wasting your time. If he says to go with the flow or lets just see where this goes, it means he has no plan or clear intention. This also means that he is not tied to any specific outcome which should be a red flag to you because it shows he is not that serious about you. Also you can simply ask him what the future holds for you guys and if he gives you a generic “I dont know” then sis, move on.
- He is inconsistent. This means his actions does not match his wording. He will say he loves you or misses you, but barely contacts you. He will say he cares about you, but never considers you in his plans. You get the drift. This leaves you feeling confused and anxious, always wondering how he truly feels. It is not worth the stress! This is basically him playing games with your heart, mind, and soul. Why? Because of immaturity. Trust his actions, ladies. When his actions don’t match his words, it’s a sign he is simply saying what you want to hear. He is trying to appease you instead of loving you.
- He gives little to no effort. Effort is a direct reflection of interest. The less effort he gives, the less he is invested in the relationship. The last guy I dated really did not give much effort whatsoever. I was always the one flying to him (long distance), I seemed to make most of the plans, and I always initiated the “I miss yous/I love yous” towards the end. When you do not receive the effort that you give, it can be tiring. Eventually you just get sick of it and move on. This is what happened in my situation. There are many MEN-not boys-out there who will give you equal effort. But something I noticed is that when they don’t even put any effort into themselves, you cannot expect they will magically do the same for you.
- He will not make you a priority. If you are not his priority, he will always be busy with something else-keyword busy. He will also make decisions without including you in them. For example, in my last relationship, my ex boyfriend decided to go to Korea for his future career direction. The plan before that, he was speaking of getting out of the military and moving here to be with me. But his decision was very telling and indicative of what his priorities were. I clearly was not in the loop for his future plans and would’ve never been. When I would ask him where I stood in his future plans, he wasn’t really sure. Red flag.
- He won’t respect you. And if he does not respect you, he is likely to lie to you and shut down on you. I mentioned the Korea situation above-well…. I was the last to know. He found out on a Monday and told all of his family and friends. He told me the next day and pretended like he had just found out about it that day. I asked him if his family knew and he said he didn’t tell them yet. But once I spoke to his stepmom, I found out the truth. Also, he lied about smoking cigarettes. I told him how I felt about the matter and he told me he would not do that, then I found out he was doing them behind my back. Again, small lies, sure. But if people lie about the little things, they will lie about the big things too. Lying = disrespect.
There will be more signs than just this, but these 5 truly stuck out to me from my last relationship. Every relationship should teach you something. Just keep your eyes open and look for any red flags and signs. Know that your time is precious-let no man waste it or give you the runaround!
Your trainer and friend,