How to Survive Labor & Delivery {And All the Grossness}

May 26, 2016

You are newly pregnant and you are so excited about becoming a mom, but as you near the end of pregnancy to your due date, reality starts to sink in… “Holy shit, am I really going to have to push this baby out of my vajayjay?”

Yes, honey! You will! Unless.. you get a c-section of course. But is it really that bad as you hear? I will spill my side of the story from both of my experiences.

First things first, labor and delivery can be gross. Don’t get me wrong-it is the most beautiful thing in the world and the reason why the female anatomy was created, but oh man it isn’t pretty at times. Here’s a photo of me below about 10 minutes after pushing my daughter out. I look at lot better than I did with my son’s delivery because I wasn’t prepared (and well, it lasted 22 hours):

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Let me break it all down for you:

  1. You might poop. It is true. Some women poop during labor due to the pressure on the bowels during delivery and due to pushing so hard. The muscles you use to push your baby out are the exact same ones you use to poop. With my last two deliveries, I luckily did not poop because my body did what it was supposed to be and gave me a lovely bout of diarrhea when I went into labor. Diarrhea is a normal sign of labor and is a way of your body to cleanse/prepare itself for baby, but not every woman experiences this labor sign. My advice? You will be so in the zone that pooping will be the last thing on your mind! Your ultimate goal will be to push that little sucker out ASAP.
  2. You might rip, tear, or just simply have your lady parts cut. I have never had an episiotomy, but if you aren’t having an epidural, I have heard that they can hurt like a bitch. I ripped minorly with both pregnancies (worse with my 8lb 70z son who had a HUGE noggin) and less with my 7lb 8oz baby girl who had a small head. Recovery was worse with my son because everytime I tried to sit down or pee, it would hurt like a mother and burn like hell! Then… after the pain was gone.. you itched like crazy due to the healing. Ah, can’t catch a break, right? Thank God for Dermoplast spray-it’s a lifesaver/
  3. You will get a catheter. Only if you choose to have an epidural, that is. I opted for an epidural for both of my deliveries so I did not feel the catheter go in or come out. What did suck though was the affects afterwards for the next few days. When you go to pee, your urethra might sting a little. This passes quickly though, but do not be alarmed if it does hurt to pee.
  4. You will probably get hemmorhoids. Oh yes. Most ladies get hemmorhoids and it is hard to avoid it because of all the pressure you experience trying to push baby out. It truly does a number on your perinuem. Again, the dermoplast spray is amazing paired with witchhazel Tucks pads. Also, take your damn Colace. The nurse offers it for a reason because your pain medication will stop you up, girlfriend. I did not listen the first time around and it hurt like hell to take a poo. This time around, you bet your ass I took my Colace like candy. Much better pooping experience.
  5. Bleeding can last a while. After you deliver, expect to bleed for a while. Think of it as an extended period. The smell of your blood will be very strong and weird-unlike anything you’ve ever smelled before so do not be caught off guard by this. Just wear your jumbo pads and your granny panties and it will pass before you know it. However, if you are up and about trying to do too much too soon, expect to bleed for an entire month like I did with my first pregnancy. I have been much more of a couch potato this time around while my body heals itself so I won’t have to leave a bloody trail everywhere I go.

Sounds frightening right now, right? It isn’t really once you go through it all. BUT I want you to be prepared and ready for whatever labor decides to throw your way. To help make your postpartum period a lot easier on you and your bottom, take a look at my postpartum must haves and stock up!

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PLEASE NOTE: Following and/or participating in my blog, daily workouts, meal plans, and any tips or advice is solely your decision. I recommend checking with your physician prior to following any of the workouts or meal plans that I share. I am very open in sharing that I am not a health care professional, personal trainer, nutritionist, or counselor. I provide the workouts, meals, and tips that have worked for me based on my personal experiences.

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